Optimism

Noun - a general disposition to expect the best in all things.

     In my life I was always tried to take the optimistic view of things.  This is not always so easy to do.  And in my dating struggles I get easily frustrated when things don't always go as I had envisioned them to go.  I would be disillusioned to think that the path to my happily ever after would be smooth sailing and lined with sunshine and rainbows, but my outlook remains that however rocky and treacherous and filled with giant chasms my path is, it will all be for good reason.  How's that for optimism?!
     In my frustration with myself I declared myself a fool for the way I was behaving and for doing all the things I know better than to do.  That's when someone said to me, "if you're a fool, then we all are."  I wasn't quite sure what to make of this statement until I thought about it further....and it's true.  I would be a fool not to put myself out there, not to try, and not to risk it all for the sake of finding love.  So with that reassuring comment/thought process I am once again throwing caution to the wind, jumping in with both feet, and letting the cards fall where they will. 

"To love is to risk not being loved in return.  To hope is to risk pain.  To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."    -Unknown

The Broken Road

     First off, what a great song by Rascal Flatts!  This song says exactly what I've felt to be true for a long time, that we go through our journey of meeting new people for a reason, sspecifically when it comes to dating.  My theory is that we are meant to meet the people and be in the relationships we find ourselves in to expand, refine, define, and create who we are so we ultimately end up being just who we are supposed to be for our perfect mate. 
     It's no secret that I've been through some "interesting" relationships, and what a bumpy broken road it has been.  With this theory, I feel that I was meant to go through each of my relationships and experiences to better myself and with each new step taking me closer to the one I'm meant to be with.  There's a lot of negative and hurtful things that can be taken away from a failed relationship, but by taking away the positive I can really see how and where I've changed and grown for the better.  What's even better, when I sit and reflect on past relationships I can recall why it failed and how I've changed because of it, whether it has made me a better more open communicator, more honest with my own feelings, better at standing up for my feelings and not being taken advantage of, or just reassuring that I have a lot to give to someone...the right someone.   

Here are the lyrics to the song:

"Bless The Broken Road"

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

The Chase

     Dating, without it we remain single, still perfectly happy with our own lives but alone.  Don't let anyone tell you that dating is not a game, or full of games we all play.  Some of us play these games unknowingly while some of us have mastered the art.  My personal favorite is the chase.  I will admit that I have not always been so good at this game, it's taken many years and many boyfriends to perfect it, but I think I have the general idea now. 
     Think of it as predator and prey.  Now it's no fun for the predator if the prey doesn't give chase, where's the excitement if a lion roaming the plains can just walk up to some herd of gazelles and choose one to have as a snack.  The lion must work for his meal, it must be a challenge to all his abilities and all the reasons why he is king.  Men are this way, they need the excitement and challenge of trying to win over the affections of a lady.  So therefore it is our jobs ladies to try not to be caught. 
     Now this is where I had trouble in the past...I wanted to be caught.  But knowing what I know now I can see the error in my ways.  I wasn't a challenge that required these men to prove they were worthy of my affections by chasing me down and proving they had what it takes to be king (so to speak).  Just like the gazelle, I was a baited trap and lured the predator toward me, but once the contact was made I just stood there and accepted it....and without fail, shortly thereafter the lion became bored and sought more exciting prey. 
     So what does this mean?  It means we have to play games, and the more you know about how the game is played the better your odds are at turning the tables in your favor.  I'm not talking about going crazy and being all dramatic, most of us play these games without even knowing what we're doing.  It's the little things that encourage the chase, like maintaining your own life and not trying to rearrange your schedule and friends to accommodate to him.  Be busy, have plans, don't answer every call on the first ring or respond to every text right away, let him wonder what you're up to and he'll be planning his next "attack" on how to lure you in closer.  Cancel on him for a girls night now and then...even if "girls night" secretly means you sitting at home watching sappy movies and painting your toes with a face mask on.  We all want what we can't have and this will keep him in the chase and pursuing after you. 
     I recently found myself in a situation where I have been many times before, I got comfortable with a new guy and stopped running.  The chase was over and I could almost sense an immediate withdrawal on his side as he became more distant and less communicative with me as he unconsciously stopped chasing me.  Now what I chose to do here might not be the same course of action as others might take, but I tend to be one of those ones who has to do things the hard way.  I let him know how I felt, that his recent withdrawal hurt my feelings, I told him that I understood his rationale for being busy and distant lately and unable to be around as much...then I walked away.  Which, if you're keeping up with the rules of the game, initiated a new chase.  Men process things more slowly than women do, so today is day two of putting space between me and my pursuer.  I've decided to give him the week to mull it over and see if he'll pick up the chase again. 
     This can go one of two ways, either the space and new challenge will make him want to give chase again, or he'll go off in search of some new prey to hunt.  Either way, at least I have been establishing my own space again too these days.  I will keep you posted.

Welcome

Hi, my name is Nicole and thank you for indulging me by reading my blog.  I've been wanting to start this blog as an outlet to share all my thoughts, discoveries, lessons learned, ah-ha moments and the like with anyone who might be able to benefit from them as I have.  Now I can't argue that from time to time I have been know to still have to learn things the hard way/on my own despite the wonderful advice and guidance I have received from loved ones...but here's hoping that maybe some of my words will reach someone who they might make a difference for.